While October typically signals a change in the seasons and the start of the holiday season, it’s also the month of Kinktober, a celebration of new and exciting sexual exploration, from bondage to role-play to everything in between. What was once an art-focused niche celebration has evolved into an all-encompassing recognition of kink in all forms.
“Many people are kink-curious and looking to shake things up,” says Deb Laino, sex/relationship therapist and life coach. “However, some may feel unsure where to start or how to broach the topics with their partner. My advice? Take it slow -- there’s no finish line here. Go at your own pace, have boundaries communicated clearly, and only do what feels pleasurable to you. Remember that this is a process of self-exploration and partner exploration.”
With this in mind, Laino offers some Kink 101 tips:
Consent is Key: Kink can involve varying power dynamics, roles, and new-to-you sex toys, so open communication is absolutely vital. Before you try anything new, talk with your partner (or partners) about boundaries, limits, and expectations. Make sure you both feel safe and comfortable.
Explore: Give yourself permission to explore your desires and fantasies in a non-judgmental space. Read some erotic books together, explore audio or visual ethical porn, or attend a performance like a sexy play or burlesque show.
Playtime: There’s no doubt that sex toys can spice things up and enhance role play. My suggestion is to try out a few toys to see what excites you most. My go-to recommendation is the Trojan Tandem Ring for couples or the Bullet for personal pleasure. And don’t forget lubes like Trojan H₂O Sensitive Touch water-based lube, which is safe to use with condoms like Trojan Bareskin Raw, Trojan Bareskin Raw Non-Latex, and most toys.
Practice Aftercare: Aftercare is meant to soothe and connect and is especially important after a power exchange, physical/impact play and other heavy scene play. Aftercare helps a person return to their normal baseline of breathing, heart rate and mental space. It can involve anything such as having a glass of water, back rubs, extra cuddles, being left alone for a while, or even a shower.
“There should be absolutely no shame, embarrassment or judgement when it comes to playing out your kink fantasies,” said Laino. “And most importantly, don’t forget that safe sex is the hottest kink. Open communication, consent, establishing safe words and boundaries, and wearing protection are all a vital part of safe sex.”
For more information on Dr. Deb Laino, please visit the following website.
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Contacts
For Dr. Deb Laino
Jamie Rothfeld
jamie@gcw.agency
