Originally Posted On: https://raptordigitalmarketing.com/2024/08/25/how-do-i-forgive-neighbors-who-attack-me-constantly/
How do I forgive neighbors who attack me constantly
For the first time in my life I’ve been feeling longer periods of anger and bitterness. I’m a pretty easy person to get along with and generally I don’t harbor grudges even against the most dishonest and abusive of people.
So why the change?
Well I’m not sure.
I’ve always had throughout my life, people that come into it that are used to sucking the resource and joy out of others. You have probably met some of these yourself.
They show up in the guise of friendly neighbors or acquaintances and are generally polite, but then slowly begin to ask for favors that are inconvenient or difficult to accomplish. In the name of being kind you do your best to help where you can and as time goes on the favors get larger and larger.
Eventually you have to give the inevitable “No” or “You’ve crossed a line” to which this person usually blows up, attempts to use guilt, rage and any other guided attack to get what they want, and then retreat in a fit of rage all of which is your fault.
OK so here’s the part that isn’t logical.
I think for most of us these encounters don’t happen constantly. In fact we have maybe 1 out of every 100 new contacts that will behave this way. The problem lies in how much we allow these interactions to affect our view of everyone else.
I for one have a hard time not distrusting all of my associations whether good or bad after one of these encounters.
Recently I was grading sagebrush from the pasture to get ready to plant rye grass. I have every legal right to work my land and I did my best to avoid windy times where it would annoy the neighbors with my dust, but to no avail.
The day came, the dust blew, and the neighbors didn’t just complain they downright yelled, screamed and threw a massive fit to try and get me to quit farming my land.
I should probably mention these are the same neighbors who only interact with us when they are wanting a favor, or yelling because our livestock enticed their dogs to trespass and literally climb over my fence (I’m not kidding). I only bring this up not to be petty, but to underline that there has not been a healthy relationship with these individuals from the outset.
I know this probably sounds like a rant email and nothing more but it’s not.
I am actually concerned about my mental state when it comes to dealing with others.
The biggest question I have is:
How can I not become embittered by loving my neighbor when I receive hate in return.
I’m 40 and have tried my whole life to be kind, especially to the undeserving.
But I’m tired.
I’m not just tired, I’m downright exhausted. I find most days I just want to be left alone to avoid the possibility of an argument or encounter with the wrong person.
My lifelong friend Brett and I were discussing my trouble this week.
He pointed out that taking myself out of the game or benching myself meant I wouldn’t affect anyone for good or for bad, and how much good do I do instead of bad?
Fair enough Brett, but despite the good advice I still feel quite tired and like I’m running on an almost empty tank every day.
It’s seeping into my family and other relationships to the point that people generally are wondering what happened to the “happy Joseph”.
I imagine that by caring you open yourself up for hurt. The more you care the more you hurt.
Back to my original question.
How to I keep from becoming embittered? How can I be kind regardless of how its received, not open myself and my family up to bullies and still have a happy life full of kindness and services to others?
I know that 99% of answers will be:
“That’s why life is so hard, hang in there, you can do it… etc.”
What I’m looking for is a sustainable “why” I should do it that I can feel deep in my soul. Then as Nietzsche says, “I’ll be able to find any how to do it”.
To close this letter I have a plea for advice. I know it will be hard and that I’ll have a happier life if I turn the other cheek and am kind.
Those are the things I understand.
I don’t understand how this will be possible.
Anyone reading this that has similar experiences of exhaustion and confusion on the way forward, please share with me what you would do on a personal level.
Until next time, take care,
– Joseph
P.S. Normally I send this out on a Saturday but yesterday my wife and I were hosting a charity BBQ for a neighbor who’s child needed life-flight a couple of weeks ago. The young boy is doing very well now and we were able to raise quite a bit of money for their family.
Tying this into the letter, I had neighbors that are angry with me over the dust come to the house after I didn’t answer their phone calls to see if I was planning to do anything that day about it due to the dirt on their porches… I’m not kidding. Maybe I’m in the wrong here but let’s just say I wasn’t very kind or quiet about them leaving my property while we finished our BBQ.
So again. Any advice would not only be gratefully received but very much needed.
